A News Reporter’s Husband Came Up With 26 Goals For Age 26. You Won’t BELIEVE What He Wrote

Whattup! It’s my birthday. Go, write on my wall, then come back. Or don’t. I don’t care. I’m 26 today, not that anyone really cares about your birthday past 21. But still, guys, I’m so young! Seriously, like 90% of my friends/family are older than me. Sure, I get sore after tough workouts, but not THAT sore. Do “kids these days” annoy me? Kinda, but not really. I’m still young enough to be hip, yet discerning enough to know when a trend is destined to fail (“On Fleek” was possibly the worst phrase I’d heard in my life, so I’m happy that’s over with… that’s over with, right?).

I’m aware that I can be overly optimistic at times, but I really think 26 is an awesome age… especially when most of my associations are with people older than me. It’s like I get all of your wisdom but I still have a relatively fast metabolism. Great stuff. One thing I’ve noticed is that us young people tend to wander around aimlessly, while us older, wiser folk tend to set goals and chase after them. So, here are my (mostly) aimless goals for age 26:

  1. Embrace the age of click bait. If everyone else is sharing pointless articles with all-caps headlines, why not me?
  2. Stay in touch with my Missouri people—this one is actually genuine. For that matter, continue to stay in touch with my Chardon and Pittsburgh people, too.
  3. Do more laundry. Maybe genuine.
  4. Be less funny: y’all are getting spoiled. On a related note…
  5. Be more brooding: I need more of that Bruce Wayne mystique to me. I’m obviously not just going to dive right in—I’ll probably work it into my schedule like college. Tuesday/Thursday I’ll work on my brooding. Monday/Wednesday/Friday I’ll stick to my usual personality. Sidenote: how to you spell the shortened version of usual? Yuge? I feel like the argument for a softer “g” could be made on that, but Trump has definitely turned it into a form of “huge” so that one’s out… Yuje? Yooj? Get back to me.
  6. Figure out a way to convince Courtny we don’t need a dog for another year. Pretty sure this is genuine, though I do love dogs. Still, that’s a lot of responsibility.
  7. If you don’t follow me on Instagram, join the 3K+ that do! @philnavatsykphoto.
  8. Rephrase the above statement to make my shameless self-promotion appear to be an actual goal.
  9. Last year I successfully convinced six people that I know what I’m talking about when it comes to cars (spoiler alert: I don’t). This year I’d like to pump that number up to 10. I think this goes without saying, but this goal does not include actually learning anything new about cars.
  10. Go on a trip. It’s been a few months since I was gone for a few months… I feel like I need a break. Genuine. Not the “needing a break” part. I just want to travel more.
  11. Find out how to celebrify (Yep. It’s a word now) myself. More and more people are recognizing Courtny in public, which of course deprives me of the attention I seek.
  12. Alternate my hair swoop on a weekly basis. This one might be genuine, too, now that I’m thinking about it.
  13. Learn how to fake an accent. Ever seen Kevin pretending to be Australian on The Office? That’s me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vX0yGJeTRI
  14. Mentally prepare to run a marathon when I’m 27. Or 28. Depends on how long it takes me to mentally prepare. After all, mental preparation is not a sprint, it’s—wait for it—a MARATHON!
  15. Integrate more puns into every day conversation. While I rarely find them to be genuinely funny, they can be a good warm-up for one of my truly witty moments.
  16. Come up with more goals.

Good stuff, people. For those of you who posted on my timeline, thanks for the birthday wishes. Hit me up if you wanna PayPal me any birthday money.