Farewell to the CoMo Squad

Whattup, my Missouri people? I planned on writing this right when we moved, so I’m about 3 months late. Can I blame Courtny for that?

I backed down the snow-packed driveway of my home. My parents and I began the long, flat, long, exhausting… seriously long, drive to my new place of living: Columbia, Missouri. There were some adjustments I had mentally noted that I knew I would need to make:

  1. I was 97% sure my mom wasn’t going to wake me up with a bacon, egg, and English muffin (because bagels are for commoners) breakfast sandwich.
  2. Most people I ran into had probably never watched a real college football team. HAHA, Mizzou fans! Does that sting? O-H!
  3. On a related note, people probably wouldn’t share my love for Ohio sports.

Of course, my biggest concern was whether or not Courtny and I would be able to make friends outside of each other. I find myself to be generally lovable. I’m a little guy, so I don’t impose much of a threat to people. I have eyes that take me from an 8.5 to a 9.3, and a hair swoop that brings me to the rarified air of a 9.8. I’m humble. I’m really witty, like, on another level, so I’ll make you laugh. I’ll make me laugh, too. I have this ability to talk about cars for a 6-minute period even though I know absolutely nothing about cars. After 6 minutes I find an opportune “That’s what she said” moment and change the topic to The Office, which I’m much more knowledgeable on. So, yeah, on paper, I was set. Eyes, swoop, witty, BS-capable… did I mention humble? Humility was big. Oh, and my girlfriend (WOAH, THAT’S WEIRD TO SAY) was even cooler, and, believe it or not, better looking than me. Probably more humble, too.

Here’s what I’ll say about our short time in Missouri: if you’ve ever moved anywhere, especially after college, you know how hard it can be to make good friends. For Courtny and me, that wasn’t a problem. And, no, I’m not gonna double up on paragraphs about how awesome we are. The real reason it wasn’t a problem was because of the people who would become our family away from family.

Ashley & Josh:

I have been the biggest hater of mirror selfies since middle school. You two are the exception. Literally the first night we were in Missouri, Ashley, you invited us to go out with the KRCG crew in Columbia. I don’t know if you had Facebook stalked us or saw my hilarious Twitter feed (at the time it was good – now it’s basically just Cleveland sports updates), but inviting the new guys out on their first night is something not a lot of people would do. I know I typically turn up my nose to the newbies. So, exhausted from our 14 hours of driving and moving stuff in all day, we came out to the bar to meet the Missouri peeps. Honestly, I don’t remember anything from that night (and, no, people, it’s not from alcohol consumption). I was exhausted from moving and probably not funny. My swoop was probably looking a bit shaggy at the time. I actually think I swooped the other direction at that time – it wasn’t until my first haircut at Blanc Studio (I’m so fancy, you already know) that my eyes were opened to the left-to-right swoop. Game-changer. I remember Garrett telling CoJo he was gonna “put you through the wringer” during her upcoming training week, which was a very G-Money thing to say. Do you like how I started a paragraph about you guys and then literally didn’t mention Josh once and mostly focused on my former Twitter glory and the various stages of my hair swoop?

Let’s try this again: you guys are awesome, and it’s crazy to think that when we met just a couple years ago, we were all in the boyfriend/girlfriend stage of our respective relationships. Now we got dem rings on! Thank you so much for welcoming us to Missouri. Speaking of thank you’s, you guys also represented the CoMo Crew at our wedding! Thank you for making that trip – that’s not a short drive, no matter how amazing the dinner and band are. We are so happy that we got to celebrate with you guys in Charleston, and we can’t wait for our next reunion. We can do married couples things, like play Pictionary or something.

Ben, Steven, Garrett, Ryann & Liz:

I’m nearly at two pages of this word doc, so I’m gonna start consolidating some people here. I’ll start with Liz. Honestly, had you lived closer with that adorable puppy and jet ski access, we probably would have stayed in Missouri. That said; don’t blame yourself for our departure. Or do. I don’t care. When we inevitably vacation to Missouri (file that under “things I never thought I’d say”), we’ll definitely make a stop in Owensville.

Ryann: Honestly, at this point, I see your name and think of the Indians losing game 7. So, yes, you are synonymous with pain. I’ll get over it at some point, but not yet. Not yet.

Ben & Steven: look, I’m not gonna lie to you, when I hear my phone go off 43 times in two minutes, I automatically assume it’s you two blowing up the group message because you apparently forgot that you have each other’s numbers in your phones. HOWEVER, I also appreciate that your level of activity in the group message keeps us all in contact. It was great getting to see you guys at the Wedding of the Year.

Garrett: On the flip side, if I ever see there’s a message from you in the group, I open it IMMEDIATELY. You da man. As a side note, I admire your dedication to your craft – keep working! You’re going places.

Leslie & Stephanie:

I figured I’d keep you two together, because, you know, huskies. I’ll miss the barn parties, Leslie. Especially planning them and choosing who is worthy of being invited. I guess that falls on your shoulders now. We might need some of that sangria at some point, so barrel it up and I’ll handle the shipping costs. Stephanie, you always laugh at my jokes, which in turn boosts my ego, which in turn gets me to tell more jokes. It’s a beautiful cycle. Courtny always had great stories about you two and the rest of the weekend crew; some of her favorite work memories were with you by her side.

Dan & Chelsea:

First, Chelsea, I’ve known you the shortest time out of any of these guys – good job getting in the blog! You know I once had a post hit over 200,000 views. So… I guess I’m saying congrats on your celebrity status. Ok, enough about me – I wish we could have had more time getting to know each other in Missouri. Wednesday game nights had the potential to be a long-running tradition.

Weather Dan. The Flame-eradicator. Mustache Man. For two years, that’s a lot of character development. Dude, you are literally the reason we managed to get all of our stuff to Virginia. I feel like I’m always going to owe you for the insane amount of work you put in getting our boxes packed while I just kinda supervised and provided moral support. Most of our memories in Columbia involve you in some capacity. Columbia was always going to be 12 hours from our families, but you became family to us. Which is why I’m never going to feel bad for making fun of your mustache. And if you ever think it’s getting old, just remember that the “Oh, hey Mr. Jodon” joke has been running for almost a year (although I think we’ve moved on to “Mr. Zavala” now). Miss you, kid.

Zac:

Just like Ashley and Josh, you were one of the first people to make us feel at home in Columbia. I’ll forever relish the memories of hanging out at your apartment on the weekends. Food. Drinks. Outdoor Deck. Crosby defecating on the floor as a result of the pure awe my dance moves create. And, let’s be honest, when my girlfriend (again, weird to say) was busy working on the 4th of July, who was there to sweep me off my feet and hit the town for some drinks and fireworks? You were. And when the time came for you to leave Columbia, you left behind a legacy: I will forever be “Phil Miller” to this whole group. You created that. You.

Sam & Ryan:

Whaaaaaaaaaaat?! A couple of non-KRCG people on here?! We miss you guys so much and stuff. We love looking back on our memories in Columbia. You know, before you ditched us for Springfield? The Sunday night dinners. The Uno matches. Hanging out and Sam NOT being sick… good times. Couple of quick notes:

  1. Thanks for pushing Parks and Rec so hard on us. We needed a little bit of Netflix life coaching at the time.
  2. Remember when I was working near Springfield for a company that only paid based on commission and I made zero sales because literally not a single person that day was remotely interested in buying a family studio portrait so I was essentially just working at that place for free? (Purposeful run-on sentence, grammar police) Well, thank you for letting me sleep in your home and collect my $55 hotel per diem (because SO many halfway decent hotels are only $55) as income.
  3. Come visit us in Virginia. There’s wine! And our place is SO MUCH CLEANER than our place was in Missouri……………….. Actually, just give us like a 1-week heads up before you make the trip out here. Then you guys can get here, our apartment will be almost presentable, and we’ll be all like “Heyyyyyyyyyyy OMG we’re so embarrassed we just had no time to clean this week work has been so crazy and ugh you should have seen how spotless this place was last week.”
  4. Didn’t Courtny and I basically run the table during our last Uno showdown in Springfield? I’m pretty sure we did.

 

There are so many other people that made Columbia a great place to live for us (including Courtny’s former boss, who is awesome-sauce), but I feel like this post is getting way too long. Who else did I miss? Brian & Kristen: I’d write about you, but you don’t have Facebook, and I only do these sentimental things for likes. We miss playing Catan with you. Joe: I tagged you in this post on Facebook with the hopes that you would read through this entire thing, just to see that you are at the very end. It’s not a “you save the best for last” situation (though you are awesome). It’s my personal revenge for that time you wanted to meet Courtny and me for drinks at 9 but then showed up at like 10:45. Being late is our thing. Don’t try to take that from us. Miss you, buddy. Ok that’s all for now. If you had a big-time impact on our lives and I didn’t write about you, don’t be mad at me; I spent most of the post writing about myself. Deuces.

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