Mo Impressions

Nope, that’s not the name of the latest Usher album, but guess what? I’m pretty much as popular as Usher now. As many of you know, my last blog had over 10,000 Facebook shares. Those of you who know me are probably wondering if my recent fame and new fans have gone straight to my head. Well the answer to that riddle is yes! In an effort to show my versatility as a writer, I was planning on writing a super emotional blog about my love for Chardon, Cleveland, and Ohio as a whole. But we’re gonna hold off on that one; as an unrelenting optimist, I would instead like to tell you all about my new home!

Now I know most of my friends think the United States consists of California, Texas, and everything east of the Mississippi. I also how hard it is to Google “Map of the United States”, so I’ll help you out. Missouri is sandwiched between Illinois and Kansas (that state with all the tornadoes). Arkansas is directly below me and Iowa is on top of me (hey oh!). So it’s been 24 hours—what has the Show Me State shown me?

The first thing I noticed in Missouri was the number of messages on the side of the road. I would be driving and see a big sign flashing, “Don’t respond yet—wait until you stop.” It wasn’t just about txting though—“Have a safe night”, “Enjoy your drive”, “It’s ok to be late. Slow down”. By the time I got to Columbia, it was like I already had a personal relationship with MoDOT. Sidenote: MoDOT is way more fun to say than ODOT or PennDOT. MoDOT also has swag. I passed a sign saying “Road Reconstruction: Completed as Promised!” Is this normal? I haven’t paid attention in Ohio and every road that was under construction in Pittsburgh when I moved there 3 years ago is still being worked on.

What else? There’s a Sonic a mile from my apartment. One mile. There’s a White Castle three miles from my apartment. In other words, I love this place.

Speaking of location, my building can be found in a quiet development about 10 minutes from Mizzou’s campus. I have a tennis court, basketball hoop, and pool—all are roughly 38 steps from my door. If I had to guess the average age of my neighbors (all female so far), it would be around 76. This means a few things:

  1. The community pool basically just became my pool. I hope they all love Jake Owen blasting on my Bluetooth speaker. #Beachin
  2. On the flip side, the only time I’ll deal with people blasting their speakers will be when there’s a Diagnosis Murder marathon. And I’ll probably be right there with them—I love that show and the theme song gets me amped too. #DickVanDykeForLyfe
  3. I’m probably going to dominate the 1-on-1 hoops round robins. #BallTillYouFall
  4. My future doubles tennis partner just hit the lottery. #IAmAndyRoddick
  5. Sure, I’ll probably be eating Digiorno for the next few weeks. But I give it two months before I’m living like a king. My sisters will be so mad when my neighbors start cooking meals for me. #ItsNotDeliveryItsDaGrandmas

Ok if that last hashtag doesn’t take off, I’ll be really disappointed. That’s all for tonight, folks! I’ll be sure to update everyone again soon… Now it’s time to go take advantage of the central time zone and watch my Cavs take on the Lakers at 9:30 (10:30 Eastern).

*Are you one of the millions of Phil’s Phans? Are you all up in his business? Sign up for the premium edition of Eurallopeinmybusiness to gain exclusive bonus fun facts from each of his blogs! Or just scroll past this ridiculous Christmas tree.

Clark Griswold would be proud.

Clark Griswold would be proud.


  1. White Castle is asking for reservations for Valentine’s Day. That is not a joke. IMG_5595
  2. This blog would have been posted a few nights ago (when I wrote it) but my free Internet at the Hampton Inn ended. I’m not paying $4.95 to entertain you people. Do you know what $4.95 could get me when Courtny and I go to White Castle for Valentine’s Day?
  3. Turns out I could just renew my free Internet.
  4. My dad and I have been reminding people that Ohio State has the best football team in the country.
  5. Don has also been bragging about his ability to find amazing restaurants everywhere he goes (new nickname: The Original TripAdvisor). He delivered again this weekend.
  6. The real TripAdvisor lists over 300 restaurants in Columbia. I don’t think I’m going to starve.
  7. I don’t know what pop is called in Missouri. It might be soda. Maybe it’s something crazy that I don’t even know about. I just hope Missourians don’t call everything Coke.

Have a great night everyone! And remember… #ItsNotDeliveryItsDaGrandmas. Spread it like wildfire.


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